Just got done teaching one of my dance classes for today, but took some time to practice what I’d learned last night in my own class. I left the studio sweating, less than satisfied with my performance and very pleased with myself. Huh?
This is the first year that I’ve danced in Workshop–a mix of teens and adults. I’m going to come right out and tell you, these girls are fabulous dancers. They are doing amazing things that I don’t think I had the skill or training to do when I was their age. And now, I’m the old lady of the group and there are days–I’m not going to lie–when my ego is crushed. I used to be front and center. Now the dancer I am in my head isn’t usually the one I see in the mirror. I get a tiny bit bummed out–until I remember my heart.
First and foremost, I love to dance. It’s heart work for me. It makes me be a better, happier, healthier person. I move emotions around with my body the way I do with my words when I’m writing. It fills my empty spaces with good things and it flushes away the crap. Simply put, I love to dance. But that’s not all, there’s also love for everyone I dance with–I belong there. We laughed together and we cry together. Fortunately we get to laugh a lot more than we cry. You know you’re with the right group of friends when you feel comfortable doing both.
So that covers EGO and HEART, but what about HEALTHY COMPETITION you ask? Shhh don’t tell–it’s a secret–old dogs CAN learn new tricks. It’s hard work, but I’m growing as a dancer. The trick is to remember I said healthy competition. I’m not challenging the girls in class–I’m pushing myself to do better and I like what I’m seeing. I won’t lie–I can’t say I won’t be in line for that time machine when someone finally builds it, but then again–maybe I’ll be too busy dancing.
Being a part of the debut author’s group, the Class of 2k12, has allowed me the chance to start working on some blog interviews for the future. I must admit, I find the whole interview thing very fun, it makes the impending, but still so far away debut seem real. It also makes me think. Yesterday I prepared a response for a blogger and I found myself talking about dreaming big. I think the topic of dreaming big hit a nerve, sticking with me while I watched last night’s episode of So You Think You Can Dance.
My first thoughts went to Natalia Mallory who has done what I’ve never done–danced right past conventional body stereo types and kicked ass on the dance floor. I love this girl and while I think it was the right decision not to put her through to the top 20. I can’t help but wish that they had. This girl dreams big and I’m in awe of that. I hope to see her and her dancing EVERYWHERE in the future.
Second, as I watched the dancers make the long trek down the walkway to discover their fate, I noticed that the contestants who knew that they were going to make it didn’t. Then ironically, the ones I knew were going to nail it were unsure nervous wrecks–but they made it.
So I’m thinking that dreaming big is less about overt confidence and more about persistence. I think the secret is not to be confident that you’re a winner, but rather to be confident that you won’t stop until you are.
Just a few days after I sold TOUCHING THE SURFACE to Anica Rissi at Simon Pulse, I got a letter home in the 7 year old’s book bag. The second graders were studying communities and were asking parents to come in to do a mini job fair with the kids. I looked at the sign up sheet, bit my lip and took the plunge.
(I can’t lie-I giggled and did a little happy dance when I saw this. Didn’t even care about the name typo.)
Then I put the date on my calendar and forgot about it, until I realized that I should bring stuff with me that was authory. But what should I bring? I don’t actually have a book at this point. I took my best guess and stuffed a bag with authory stuff and headed out. Of course, as I made my way to the school, it was raining like I was in the middle of a biblical plague. There weren’t even any close parking spots. Can you picture me hauling a giant dance bag, a rather large bag of book stuff and a pocket book while balancing an umbrella and herding the 5 year old? Kind of hilarious, but so worth it when I got to do this…
You know I was grinning like a little fool. And of course two of my favorite mom librarians were there and there was extra jumping up and down and looking silly.
So what did I bring and why did I bring it?
I started with a variety of dance shoes, my teacher’s notebook and some pics of me dancing over the years… What was that? Oh, you wanted to know about the author stuff? Just kidding.
I arrived with the tools of the trade! I started with a hard copy of my manuscript that I’d used with a beta reader. The guesses of how long it took me to write that thing ranged from 7 days to 200 years. My response? "That would make me like 227 years old." *grin* My humor totally went over their heads.
I also brought books and magazines that I like to read. Some I read for pleasure and some are about craft and some straddled both. I explained that if you want to be a writer, the single most important thing you could do was be a reader. And own a dictionary. And be proficient at marketing and networking…(Notice I was doing subliminal sales for my fellow wolf-pack member Kiersten White and her YA novel Paranormalcy.)
Lastly, I brought chocolate. I shouldn’t have to explain my love of it by this point in our relationship, but this was no ordinary chocolate. This was editor love chocolate. I sniff it often while admiring the amazing note from my editor AND THEN I wander off to find similar looking chocolate to eat while I’m writing. I can’t part with this one. *I reserve the right to revise that statement in a chocolate emergency.
So was it fun? Being an author/dance instructor, role-model, thing-a-ma-jiggy?
Ummmm…YES! YES! YES!
I even got some love from my own second grader. He picked me first. *phew* with his gaggle of guy friends. They all sat down and with my most serious looking face I said…"I’m pretty sure I know which hat you guys want me to wear for this interview. Today I’m going to teach you all about ballet." *gasp* I never said I was a nice author.
But paybacks can be tough…
(My favorite second grader.)
After I told the boys all about being a WRITER, they tumbled off like a pack of puppies and an adorable little blonde girl wandered over…
Girl: "Are you Ty’s mom?"
Me: "Yes, I am."
Girl: "He’s been telling me a lot about you."
Me: (Beaming) "I hope he’s saying all good things." (Beams some more)
Girl: "Eh, about half and half."
Me: *Head thunk* followed by a *grin.* We all know the truth-any publicity is good publicity, right?
As many of you know, in addition to being a writer, I’m also a dancer. I danced from the age of three until I went to college. There I dabbled, very briefly, with a dance club and then I didn’t dance any more and I missed it. I missed it for a l-o-n-g time.
This was how I started…
Just like with my writing, I had a dream. I wanted to be a dancer–because honestly, as a profession–"dancer/YA novelists" just rock *grin* So what happened? How could two things that mean so much to me get pushed to the wayside? The honest truth? I was…
While I was a good dancer, my body type wasn’t what was typical of the profession at the time.
*Please don’t judge me for my really bad 80’s hair.
I remember going to an audition for the local Nutcracker and wanting to die a thousand deaths. I STOOD OUT–and not in a good way. It was humiliating. That was BEFORE I even got to the dancing. That one incident stopped me from taking dance seriously in college: even though I loved it. I didn’t believe that I was good enough. Maybe I didn’t have to shoot for the stars–to try to be a professional. But I wonder where the journey would have taken me if I’d just minored in dance. I think I lost something by being afraid. I watch SYTYCD and witness the passionate dancers who break glass ceilings every season and it makes me a little sad that I NEVER took chances.
But what about writing? What was my excuse? Aren’t all body types welcome in that profession? Yes, but I was incapacitated by a different kind of exposure. I didn’t have a lot of confidence in who I was on the inside and writing was a great way to work through that until I realized that *gasp* other people would actually read what I’d written and get a birds eye view of what was on the inside of me. Do you see a pattern here? I kept writing–but I stopped writing from that deep place inside and when I did–the writing lost its magic. Without the magic…it also fell to the way side. Sadly, my soul spent a lot of time shriveling up and looking like a lint covered raisin that you might find in the cushions of a couch. Attractive, huh?
Lucky for me, this happened…
It shouldn’t seem lucky to have your father die of cancer and well, we all know that that wasn’t actually the lucky part. The up side to the biggest tragedy in my life was that my Dad gifted me with some extra courage before he left. RELATED BLOG POST.
After he died, I could no longer contain the truth. My truth. I began to write. I began to dance. I began to live.
Today I’ve written a YA novel called TOUCHING THE SURFACE. I’m looking for the right agent and I can picture my book on the shelves of bookstores and libraries. Book two the OPPOSITE OF GRAVITY is coming alive. I’m proud to say I have grown as a writer. Today I take dance classes. They challenge me, they inspire, they make me feel things. I also teach Combo classes to 3 and 4 year olds. They are the cherry on my sundae.
I’ve joined Workshop, where I’m ironically dancing with my target Young Adult audience LOL! They make me feel old, they make me feel wise, they make me feel welcome. Together we stretch…and isn’t that what its all really about anyway?