I can’t imagine you haven’t heard that I’ve signed with agent Michelle Wolfson of Wolfson Literary Agency. You had to have heard–I was yelling!!!! I need to write a post about the journey…its what I do. But if you don’t mind, give me just a little wiggle room because I’d like to do it my way…
As much as I ADORE all my writer friends, I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t say I’ve always coveted their good news just a tiny little bit. I mean, if I didn’t, that would make me like a droid or something and then I wouldn’t be cuddly and I might rust. So as a human, with human emotions, I’ll admit that I’ve always been 99.9% over the moon, excited for my writer peeps–with one exception. I’m possibly just a little more than .1% green with envy of Mike Jung. He’s Captain Stupendous and I’ve always wanted to be a superhero too.
So for all of you out there, who’ve embraced me with all your love and support, (I’m only talking to that .1% part of you–deep down inside where your soft and squishy vulnerable stuff is) This is for you…to remind you that it wasn’t an easy journey, I didn’t do it alone and that it was so worth it–so please don’t give up.
This was how my journey as a writer started…
The date is June 18, 2004. Several months before this picture was taken, on this little guy’s 1st birthday, my Dad was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor on his optic nerve. Later, in September my Dad had his last birthday. My final gift to him was the knowledge that he was going to be a grandpa for the third time. Towards the end, he would lay in bed–he was blind, half paralyzed and extremely aware of being a burden on his family. (He never was.) He asked me one day if the baby was close to coming. (It was December and my youngest wasn’t due until June.) That’s when I realized he was waiting. He was waiting for me and he was waiting for my baby. Once again, I held him close and whispered that I did not want him to wait. I told him that I knew he would be with me always and that it was OK for him to go. He died on New Years Day 2005. I was sad, but I was mostly relieved that he was going to feel like this again…
After he was gone I missed him terribly, but like I’d predicted–he hadn’t left. He made is presence known and I started to write. This is what I wrote…
| When your father dies unexpectedly you have two choices; you can let a little piece of yourself die with him or you can let a little piece of him live with you… You know my pick. If I Was There to Tell You I never knew myself to be deep as the ocean. |
This was the first time in my life where I’d written something that came from some place bigger than myself. It was an experience of a lifetime and I was hooked. I wanted that feeling again and again but I was afraid. I didn’t have a lot of faith in what I could do as a writer, so I joined an online poetry site and I wrote more poems about everything I was feeling. I also cyber cruised the SCBWI website. I didn’t think I belonged there. I felt I wasn’t good enough to be a part of that, but it never stopped my from driving by.
About halfway through my pregnancy, it was my birthday, and I received a wonderful present. One I will never forget.
This is Heather. We’ve been friends since junior high school. We’re still friends and she is a link in the chain of reasons that I now have an agent. For my birthday that year, she bought a pregnant and grieving friend, a ticket to a local author’s luncheon. It was a pivotal moment for me. I heard the authors talking about their books and how they came to be standing there. I was in awe. Then we went home and sat in the driveway and talked for several hours. We shared the day and other good things and then for just a moment I felt brave and I shared something ugly. Something I was ashamed of and that is when it happened…Heather didn’t hate me, didn’t judge me. Instead, she felt relieved because she’d been carrying around the same ugly thing too. She thought she was alone. I thought I was alone. We weren’t–now we were together and the burden wasn’t so heavy to carry. I laid in bed that night and one of the biggest revelations of my life hit me.
I needed to be open and honest with people. I had done it for my father when he was dying and it was beautiful. But why should I wait until someone was dying to speak up?
I realized there will always be people who hate me and others who don’t understand me, but in the big scheme of things, they are few. Most people want to connect. They don’t want to be alone and my truth might be the connection that makes the difference. That night I decided two very important things…
The first–being open and vulnerable is worth the risk of having my heart rubbed against a cheese grater from time to time.
The second–I am going to be an author.
***to be continued***
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YES YOU ARE! And this is a lovely post, Kim. (and, err, sorry about the greater-than-1% jealousy thing?)
your post almost made me cry – so beautiful!
Kim…amazing..I have no other words…I guess because I am not a writer 🙂 I'll spare you the details of my leaky eyes while reading it–but I am truly thrilled that your journey has hit a sunny spot…ride on girl, ride on!!!
Awww thanks so much guys. I've ALWAYS got in the back of my head what I'm going to put on that first dedication page *sniff* I love him so. Oh, and Mike-the world is a much better place with superheroes in it…especially you. <3
This is beautiful, and you inspire me, my friend. The story of your dad made me cry. I'm so glad I know you. I just wish we didn't live so far apart.
<3
(And again, congratulations!)
I wish you lived closer too…you inspire me daily and I'm counting the days until LA–I want a hug!
Kim, What a beautiful post.
Congratulations! I'm so so happy for you.
Oh Kimberly, my eyes seriously wet with your post. (((hugs))) And it was so beautiful. <33333
Thanks for sharing your story with us!
Kim, your words both pull at – and celebrate – the heartstrings. So thrilled for you…so well-deserved! I know your dad is proud of the beautiful woman you are! Love & hugs always <3
Awwwww Thanks guys. Thank you for listening. I always feel wonderful being able to share him. He struggled with depression and had his hard times, but he was a beautiful soul and I'd sell a lot to get one more real big bear hug from him. <3
Congratulations, Kim! Wonderful post … can't wait to read on. See you in April?
Kim, this piece is so lovely, inspiring & moving… I always get teary hearing you talk about your father & reading your heartfelt words about him. This is such a wonderful tribute to him & his gift to you of inspiration & awakened creativity. I know he's been with you on your journey & is proud of you for all your accomplishments.
I'm proud of you too, & so glad to call you my friend! And I must say that right now, I'm NOT envious of your agent news; I'm just so thrilled for you! I've learned that everyone has their own journey, & I'm not yet at the point in my writing journey that you've reached. And that's OK! I know that if/when I reach that point of finishing a book & getting an agent, you will be just as happy for me as I am for you. Until then I'll hold you up as a great example of creativity, integrity, dedication, & generosity. You & your writing deserve every success that I know you'll have! Congratulations!
♥♥♥
Not one Linda, but two!!!!! Linda B. Thank you so much and we are so on for April-it wouldn't be a late night group if we weren't in it together LOL!
Linda H…Awwwww I just love you to pieces. You have been my hero ever since you got Aidan's permanent Sharpie marker off the computer screen at Barnes and Noble LOL! In all seriousness-you've been one of the joys of the journey and I count myself so lucky to have you for a friend. <3
Lovely, Kim. You'll be a favorite published author for many, because you are so accessible and also because you are considerately responsive to others. Thanks for sharing your heart and your dad. As I'm typing this I feel as if he's just HERE, enjoying your success with you.
Paula-you would so love him. <3 I keep meaning to tell you…after I got off "the call" with Michelle and brought Aidan to school and jumped up and down for a REALLY LONG time…I had a tuna sandwich and SWEET POTATO CHIPS!!!!!!!! So thought of you. :o)
Kim, I'm so happy for you (and only .1% jealous!). You know I became a writer out of similar circumstances and I applaud your for being able to write so openly from your heart. You are beautiful and so is your writing.
Katie-Your story and your journey are very similar and I know that your sister has your heart in her hands. Can't wait to see you again in April. Love you!
Congratulations, Kim! You probably don't remember me from the Poconos. But I'm happy that you found an agent. I know so many people who found an agent recently. Cool!
And I've always been at least 5% jealous of Mike Jung, heh heh.
My eyes are still tearing up at your lovely words about your father. That was just so touching…
Joanne-I think you're completely right about Mike Jung LOL! That percentage is a little higher *grin* I'm so stoked so many people are getting good news-are you going to the Poconos again this year? I'm all registered!