I went running this morning. (Thursday) I needed to be connected to the earth again after yesterday’s overwhelming cover reveal. I spent Wednesday glued to my seat, in front of my lap top, amazed at the outpouring of love and support. I smiled non-stop for over twelve straight hours and I shall cherish the wrinkles that I earned from that experience.
As I pounded the pavement, I felt sure that I would be writing a post today that would thank everyone who was so kind. But I can’t. One foot after the other, this post started to take shape in my head–my footfalls like my fingers on the keys. And like most of my writing–I start in one place and then let go–allowing my inner compass to take me home.
But before I write that post, I still need to say a quick thank you to Anica Rissi and everyone at Simon Pulse, to Michelle Wolfson, to the Class of 2k12, to the Apocalypsies, to all my writer buds and most of all…to the local friends in my life. I know, that for me, the term local has changed and expanded as I’ve traveled. But no matter where you are, you all have stayed in my heart. I consider you part of my home–the place I love most. To all of you…
I need you to know that I was moved by your generosity and support. You make me want to write better books and be a better person.
So, today’s blog post IS about thanking people, but it’s about giving a shout out to the people in my life who have hurt me. I’m not going to name names. *cackles and rubs hands together* Yeah, it might be a little fun, but seriously it doesn’t matter. What matters, is that while I was running, I was thinking about what comes next after the cover reveal. After the love and support. After the fan fair and joyous celebration.
Next….
Comes the smack down!!!!!! *dum, dum, dum, dum*
Sure–I’m still expecting lots and lots of good things to happen with TOUCHING THE SURFACE. Sheesh, I’ve spent years of my life working on this book, pouring my heart and soul into it and I think it will be good. I know it will make a difference in someones life. I believe it will matter. But, just like in my own life (the freaky place where not everyone likes me) there will be people who are vocal about not liking my book and perhaps…even it’s author. *gasp* I won’t lie, the thought of that made my steps falter while I was running. It made my stomach clench. But then I remembered–I have good training for this.
I can handle being wounded because people in my life have hurt me.
I don’t get over it easily. Usually it takes me at least a novel and one or two blog posts to work through a problem in a semi-satisfactory manner. And even then, there are no guarantees. But I survive. And more important, I suck the freaking essence from the haters’ mean asses and use it to become a better person.
(There might be a little residual anger involved, but I’m working on that.)
What I’m trying to say is that I believe our life prepares us for our life. If someone had handed me a newborn, without allowing me to carry the little critter in utero for nine months, I never would have made it. I slowly built up to the level of sleep deprivation, poor grooming skills and weeping that I needed in order to be a successful mother. Without the inability to touch my toes for weeks at a time, I never would have had the proper perspective that I needed for when the baby came along. The universe has a built in training program to help us survive. It’s the equivalent of a GOOD parent guiding a teenager. The teenager CAN NOT see the forrest through the trees. Later they understand. In life…we are that teenager. More often than not…oblivious.
Okay…it’s only a theory and the next person to hurt me will make all of these larger than life thoughts fly right out of my head. I’ll curl up in a little ball and lick my wounds until I can start the healing process. You know how it goes… two steps forward–one step back. But I’m a big-picture girl at heart. And it’s good to know that at the end of each bump in my road, I can always get to that spot where I believe that the people who hurt me the most–give me the greatest gift off all–strength.
Nanny, nanny, boo, boo.
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Kim -you wrote a book, you are publishing it! Rejoice, rejoice!!! Forget all the rest!!:)))))))))))))) Lots of love to you!xoxoxoxxo
Oh, Kim, what a gorgeous post! I am much like you… the hurts stick with me for very long times. For many of us, writing is therapy and I end up using all those hurts and pains and slights and disappointments to build characters. I like to think I'm building my own character in the process 🙂
Big hugs and congrats again. You deserve it.
I'm always working on it LOL!
Thank you Patty!!! It seems so bizarre to have so many crazy ups and downs. I guess I can't control the rest of the world so I'm always trying to at least work out how I fit into it all. Some days I do better than others but I guess the big thing is, that I really just want to be a better person. Lots of work to do. <3
Kim!
I agree with everything you just said, though not the running, if I did all that running, I'd have collapsed somewhere and the haters would be dancing on my grave. Remember, haters are just the manifestatios of pure and unadulterated jealously. You rock, your book will rock, and you've got the most pretty cover going on too I might add.
Good luck.
Leigh
Love this post! I've had some pretty awful experiences in my life, but I wouldn't go back and change them, even if it were possible, because God knows who I'd be now if I did that. And I'm pretty happy with the me I am now.
Love you ladies!!! And Leigh-the running thing is hysterical!!!!!
Kim, you are still as awesome as the day I met you! LOVE AND CONGRATS! Cannot wait to read the book and recommend it to everyone I know! 🙂
Oh, Joan-thank you for the sweet words. I had such an awesome time seeing you that first time I went to Rutgers. We need to get everyone together again. I nominate Tracey's house!!!!! :o)