Yesterday I was keeping my promise to myself and focusing on revisions. I even hauled my laptop and marked-up manuscript to the lobby of the dance studio. I was kinda pumped because I was able to focus and move through my notes while sitting in the middle of three classrooms that were blaring different sets of music and instructions. I was in the zone. How could that be? There have been days when I’ve had the perfect work conditions and get less done. *head thunk* I sound like I’m asking for an answer from you, but I’m not. I know the truth. For me its a combination of being ready and being determined.
READINESS: The truth is there are times when I just don’t know what to write. And for some of those times, it’s good for me to take a moment or two or however long it is, to mull over what I’m doing. I know I need to let the thoughts that sit in my finger tips, tumble around in my deeper places. I believe there is more to me than I’m capable of understanding and sometimes I just have to trust myself. I’m learning and changing and growing constantly and all of that takes time. But in all fairness, there are moments when I’m just scared that I suck and I think I’m not ready. Book 2 is kinda hard folks. It’s not unlovable, but it’s kind of like the second time you get pregnant and you realize it’s not going to be anything like the first time where you got to sleep when you were tired and people pampered you and stuff. Book 2 is like…Hey–I know you’re tired but you have a two year old with a fever and you need to get up every 45 minutes because they are crying and uncomfortable. And I know you have a sensitive stomach right now, but the baby just vomited across six rooms. And to top that all off, don’t expect a baby shower either or time for a spa day… Yeah, Book 2 is kind of like that, but different. Word vomit is a little milder on the stomach. LOL!
DETERMINATION: I’m absolutely a person who loves to work from home with my own schedule–I like my creative freedom. I like to be able to juggle my family life. I like to run. I like to have less stress. I like to avoid laundry by doing social media. BUT–I benefit from having some manageable deadlines. The people pleaser in me responds to that. Give me too much, too quickly and I will get it done (I’m one determined and competitive person on the inside) but I’ll be reduced to sludge. I’ll burn out like a shooting star. I’m not a race horse who responds well to spurs in my side, but lead me to the starting line and tell me that I’m not as good as the other horses and I’ll run my ass off to prove it isn’t true. There is a kernel of strength within me that gets me over that finish line. I need a little push, but not a beating. That’s when determination works best for me.
So what happens when readiness and determination collide in a perfect storm? Well, I get stuff done. I mean–I’m still scared. I’m pissing in my shoes every time I stop to think about it all too closely. BOOK 2!!!!!! Failure is such a bigger target than success. But I’m at that point where I know one thing for sure. There is something that scares me more than writing a bad book–it’s writing no book at all. It’s that simple and THAT just makes me laugh and revise. Ready and determined.
“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.”
Bill Cosby
“I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.”
Michael Jordan
“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”
Winston Churchill
“The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows.”
Buddha
Now I’m totally inspired for another day of revisions!!! What calms your fear of failure? What gets in your head and keeps you from moving forward? What’s your best overcoming failure story? Got another good failure/success quote to share? Have you been pregnant a second time????
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