Posts Tagged ‘friendship’




Stop Running: You are Youer Than You

Filed under: Community, Family, Pondering

Some days I don’t intend to write about what I write about, but everywhere I turn the same message is slapping me in the face, asking me to dig deeper. And the weird part is that the messages comes from very different, unrelated directions. I used to ignore these kinds of “coincidences” but I’ve learned to pay attention and listen to what the universe is telling me. It’s usually important.

This morning I stumbled across a very long and emotional FB post by a dear friend. She is an amazing person and mother, despite the challenges that have been thrown at her–things that might have broken someone else because of their weight. Today she was talking about running. Not just running for pleasure and exercise, which is something she does when life allows it. But she was talking about running away emotionally and the even harder thing to handle–not running away.

“The certainty of this circumstance eliminates my usual option of running. If I can’t run from this inexpressible pain WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!?” 


That is an epic question.

And “coincidentally” another one of my very good friends (who doesn’t know my other friend–yet) unknowingly answered her so beautifully when she wrote a letter to her daughter. You Are Youer That You: A Letter to My Daughter.

If I were to take that amazing blog post and turn it into a mantra for my other friend it would go something like this…

Before you take flight…

Know I love you.

You ARE going to make mistakes. 

These moments will require you to be brave.

Remember you are not alone.

Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

So be kind.


It will get harder as you get older, but remember…

Friends are the family you choose for yourself.


Work hard.

Give life everything you have and life will give you everything you need.

Embrace your past, but spread your wings.

And never forget to be patient with yourself.

And be patient with me. 


Because the world is big.

And even though it’s hard, we must be brilliant.


No matter how old you are…

This is just the start of a journey.

The world needs you.

I need you.

Don’t forget that.

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Making New Friends is a lot like Writing a Book

Filed under: Pondering, Touching the Surface, Writing

Lately, because we moved this winter, I’ve gotten to watch my kids in the process of making new friends. It’s a lot like writing a book. (Surprise! Yeah, I’m predictable. One day I’m going to tell you something weird and follow it up by announcing that it’s a lot like making a burrito or washing your underwear. Just to keep you on your toes.) Focus Kim–it was a three day weekend and you’re already discombobulated–making new friends is like writing a book.

*Everyone does it differently. I’ve got a three boy control group and what I’m seeing is that everyone has their own process. How one person makes their friendship or writing happen, does not necessarily work for someone else.

*It takes time.  No short cuts. Making acquaintances is not the same as building friendships. Just like a NaNoWriMo draft is not like writing something you can send to your agent.

*There will be false starts and dead ends along the way. Someone can be a laundry list of good things, but not be a great fit. It’s kind of like drafting a list of viable book ideas. Some of those can sound amazing in a one or two sentence pitch, but they fail epically when you try to build characters to support it. Or the plot fizzles out in 3-4 chapters. Not all good things are the right thing. And odds are someone else will be a better fit with “that” friend and another writer will discover the whole story behind the idea that never got off the ground for you.

*Making friends usually depends on shared experiences between people. Tragedy in particular can bond people together. Two kids who get locked in the bathroom of a museum and miss the bus home from the field trip–bonded for life. (And FYI–that did not happen to my kids. I’m a writer. Stellar imagination <3) But emotionally laden experiences push us to write the good words. Tapping into our own range of experiences and feelings brings authenticity to our writing the same way it does to our relationships.

*Making friends takes work and moves us outside our comfort zone. It is a period of being off balance. One of the reason we seek out friendships is to create a bond with someone that gives us a soft place to fall. Writing is like that too. We can talk all we want about writing for publication and the twisted and complicated reasons we choose to dance with the ups and downs of the business. Were masochists! But we must also acknowledge that we write for personal growth and that requires us to be off balance. Uncomfortable. Vulnerable. Yet, by exposing your weaknesses, some how we gain a layer of strength. It’s a risk-taking behavior, both writing and friendship. You make yourself weak to make yourself strong. Exposing your heart to the elements is not an easy thing to do–but the payoffs of living through it are amazing. Courage, despite fear, in friendship and writing is powerful.

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So, it’s been a long and fabulous three day weekend. Now it’s time to write. Or as I like to think of it–make friends with that amazing book inside of you. How else is does connecting with your words feel like building a new friendship? Can you write something without the intimate connection? What piece of work over your lifetime would you consider to be your best friend? Mine would have to be TOUCHING THE SURFACE.

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