Yesterday the whole Sabatini clan was spending the day home because of icy rain. At points throughout the day the kids were able to slide down our steep driveway on their butts like they were bobsleds. The pup was not nearly as adventuresome and needed a helping hand every time he stepped out the door and onto the ice. Like his monstrous, completely uncontrollable, feet weren’t already enough of a problem. Once I almost went down with him LOL!
As much as I love my ice skating pup, I did have to stop and take note of how “less than pleasant” it was to venture outside in the freezing rain at pretty regular intervals all day. Even though Riley’s learning fast and is eager to please, he’s still not completely potty trained yet.
So, while I was outside, just passing the time, I started to think about about how people in cities potty train puppies. What the heck happens if you’re on the umpteenth floor of an apartment building and your pooch has to run outside every 20 minutes? Are puppy bladders even capable of waiting for elevators or jiggling down multiple flights of stairs? Sometimes my little guy barely makes it out the door. Suddenly, my situation was looking a lot more desirable than it had 30 seconds earlier.
I know you’re fist pumping the air for me, but I also bet you’re wondering how puppy whiz training relates to writing,
Perspective.
In the world of publishing, everyone has a tendency to compare their journey with someone else’s. Most of us try to put on blinders so we can focus on our own work and our own journey. But as you can imagine, it isn’t always easy. So, today’s bit of advice, for when you’re feeling “crappy” is to adjust your perspective. If you can’t stop peeking at what everyone else is doing, mix it up. Choose to measure yourself against the people who have it harder than you–the ones who have a lot more steps to travel to get to the same place. It won’t actually make your publishing adventure any easier, but it will give you a wonderful sense of perspective and that might just be enough for you to feel okay standing in the rain.
If anyone knows the poop scoop on urban puppy training policy, please feel free to enlighten me. Just don’t mess with my perspective and tell me it’s easier than I think.
Today it’s been a decade since my dad died. At first I started to say it’s been ten years since I lost him, but that didn’t sound right. As much as I miss him, I never feel as if I’ve “lost” him. He never seems absent to me. Rather it feels as if our relationship has been altered to fit our new circumstances–like he’s crossed through a magical wardrobe or passed through a wrinkle in time. He’s no longer huggable, which is a definite downside to this phase in our relationship, but the trade off is that there’s a fluid, intuitive connection between us that exceeds what we had when we were just an arms length away. But despite the continued love between us, I really miss having him here.
In memory of my “old life” with my Dad, my husband helped me find this video. It reminds me of why his absence still feels so big–he’d always showed up in a million small places. He was this guy for so many of us. He’s my role model.
Love you and miss you Dad. <3
Today in the comments, please celebrate someone living who is doing the little things that mean the most.
Happy New Year and don’t forget what’s important in 2015.
Life with Riley is starting to get a little bit more sane LOL! A little bit–he’s still a potty-training, chewing, puppy. But he’s quietly crating for about seven hours at night and ME getting a humane amount of sleep makes all the difference. He’s also learning to respond to his name, sit and go down on cue. He’s learning what off means and thankfully he hasn’t tested it too much at this point. Additionally he’s got a decent grasp of what easy and gentle mean and I’m happy to report he’s pretty darn good with his deposites. *fist pump*
As you can see, we wear each other out some days. And even though I have to remind myself how far we’ve come in a week, I try to not get my panties in a twist about how much there still is to work on. I try to visualize the dog he will become when we’ve got the kinks worked out. It’s exciting to contemplate. I’m a behaviorist at heart and training him has it’s own special kind of rewards for me. But even though I’m pretty good at operant conditioning, I still get frustrated some days, but I’m learning to watch him closely–so I can “hear” what he’s saying. It’s all part of training positively. And you’re going to hear me talk about this a bit in the future and how it pertains to writing because my mind (what little I have left) is spinning at the implications. But even though I’m having a sleepy puppy moment right now in which to blog…
SANTA’S COMING!!!!!
And that means I have a TON of other things to get done that just can’t wait. So, hold that thought. Enjoy your Christmas and I’ll be back here over the holidays if I can. But you can be sure you’ll see my in 2015 <3
Riley is here!!! We got him on Friday and it’s been a whirlwind ever since. I’m tired and inspired. I’m in love with his little face and his adorable personality and extremely sweet temperament. But I miss sleeping and peeing by myself LOL! Knowing what it’s like to take care of a “baby” again isn’t the same as actually doing it. *sigh* But here’s the really good news. I’m very glad I we brought home this puppy. I have a feeling that with the right love, training and diligence, we’ll get everything sorted out in a reasonable amount of time. This cute little face was on the bucket list of FIVE people in my house. That’s a really good reason to make some sacrifices. No one ever died wishing for cleaner carpets and less unconditional love. And although I really like to sleep (a lot) I’m still pretty sure I won’t be wishing for more Zzzz’s when my ticker stops ticking. So, if everyone can bear with my occasional sleep deprived rants and my Oh-My-God-I’ve-Never-Owned-A-Dog-Now-What-Do-I-Do panic attacks, then I think everything will be okay. *paws crossed* Now it’s time to introduce you to Riley…
Fresh out of the car after a two hour ride home. (He was a champ BTW)
Exploring the landscape.
We’ve gotten quite close–he wants to sleep wherever he can touch my foot. <3
Riley gave up after all that playing. Just couldn’t make it up the driveway.
But he had enough energy to be grateful I carried him up the rest of the way LOL!
But if you think we wore out that puppy, you should see what the puppy did to the 11yo in the middle of decorating the tree Zzzzzzz…
And BTW–I can’t believe I was even able to write a blog post for today. So, yay for that! What have you been up to besides writing and sleeping LOL!
Back in the day–we’ll if I’m honest, back not so many days ago–I would’ve told you I’d NEVER be a dog owner. And now, here I am, chewing at the bit to go pick up my 9 week old German Shepherd puppy. There was a conspiracy against me and YOU know who you are. *points finger* But despite my initial 44 and half years of dog ownership reservations, I’m actually very excited that I’ve changed my mind. Obviously word of mouth is a powerful thing. I’ve been exposed to too many happy dog families lately. And I am a mom of three boys–isn’t there a manual that says a puppy is mandatory? That’s what the kids were telling me anyway. The new Sabatini pup, to be named Riley, was supposed to come home yesterday but with the weather and some other unavoidable issues, the pick-up got cancelled. Boo! Now I’m waiting to reschedule either Friday, Saturday or Monday and while we sort it out, all the Sabatini’s look a lot like this…
We’re just waiting around.
(Not the actual puppy in case you’re wondering)
We’ve never even met the little, but everyone in the house is both nuts with anticipation and a little bummed at the same time. Once you make the decision to give a home to a pup, you don’t want to wait to bring him home. But we have to. *growls like a ferocious puppy* Hopefully by my next blog post I’ll have real puppy pictures for you. In the meantime, it’s time to give me your very best piece of puppy parenting advice. I have a feeling I’m going to need it.
In August as the end of the summer drifted away and the impending doom of school lay before my boys, I noticed my 11yo become increasingly more anxious. He’d had a rough time with an abrupt school transition at the end of last year. And now there seemed to be a residual fear haunting him. So, I caved and got him the hamster he’d wanted for the last year. Part distraction and part incentive to stay positive, it did the trick. Perhaps sometimes all you need in life is someone who understands your secrets and shares a few of their own. There is security in friendship.
But once the 9yo laid eyes on the 11yo’s Blueberry Dwarf Hamster, he started saving for one of his own. And because I loved little Fredrick so much, I said what the heck–we went to get the next little furry friend on Sunday. This hamster is keeping me on my toes. This tiny, big-eared, baby girl name Herbie is a handful and she’s made me very nervous.
First she was so shy, burrowing and disappearing for hours and I was sure she wasn’t eating or drinking anything. And she was soooo tiny, I thought for sure she was still nursing or too young to take home. I called the pet store and they reassured me she was old enough. I kept trying all kinds of things to help her feel comfortable. Then we gave her a chunk of apple. It was if she awoke from a deep slumber. She started eating and running. Not just a few trips around the wheel. I’m talking about almost TWELVE hours of running. Herbie is certainly the Louie Zamperini of hamsters. No wonder she’s so skinny LOL! But the more she ran, even during the day when she should be sleeping, the more I worried. Hamster with OCD? Run, Eat, Clean, Small Hamster Nap on the Wheel–Repeat. So, last night after the 9yo was loving on her–I “rescued” the little imp and while I was teaching my boy more about her, I held her in my hand while stroking her head. When I looked back down…
She was sound asleep. And I realized something very important. Sometimes we all need to feel secure. Challenges and hardships are how we move forward. Change is how we arrive at the better new things we’re usually too afraid to venture out towards. But in the middle of change and challenge–sometimes we just need a few moments to feel secure. This is true with writing for publication. Returning to a manuscript again and again without knowing if it will ever find a home is a lot like running non-stop on a hamster wheel. Am I really gong somewhere? And if you really do “arrive”–I’m here to tell you that as happy as I was to be dropped in the Habitrail of Simon & Schuster, it was confusing and scary and at times immensely overwhelming. But there were people who made me feel secure along the way. I’m fortunate, there were many of them, but I am particularly grateful to my family, my agent Michelle Wolfson, my editor Anica Rissi, the SCBWI and my fellow debut authors from the Class of 2k12 and the Apocalypsies. They fed me small bits of advice and chocolate and smoothed my fears when my heart was racing. They talked me off the wheel when I was a little bit excitable and just couldn’t stop myself.
And then let’s talk about “internet security,” but with a twist. Lets face it, publishing success and horror stories are easily accessible online–only a google search away. And the truth is that sometimes the good stories can mess with your head just as much as the scary ones can. We tend to be creatures of comparison, jealousy and insecurity at the worst of times. Be careful what you expose yourself to. I encourage you to use those resources to be well informed and learn things that will make you a better writer. I want you to read books and articles and interviews that will allow you to be inspired daily. Having access to that is a gift. But watch what you take in and what it’s consumption does to you. It’s important to find the people and places that make you feel secure. Surround yourself with people who care. They might not always get everything right, but more often than not they do. You’re not always looking for the person who speaks hamster, but rather the one who cares enough to try and understand.
Lots of great things can happen for people who have enough moments of security in their lives. Those special moments fuel the tank for adventure, create friendships and allow uptight hamsters to take a little nap. But even more important, you just can’t begin to imagine where those moments of security will lead you.
I hope you find my blog a small, hamster-sized space of security that helps you get through all your adventures. I know that when you show up here, it certainly makes me feel like I can close my eyes for just a little bit and dream easy. Thanks for being a friend and follower. <3
Today is the 13th Anniversary of 9/11 and I’m always reminded of how I was glued to the TV–holding my infant son–my oldest boy who was 7 months old at the time.
This past week I’ve watched my 13yo start a brand new school. It’s not easy to begin all over again in the 8th grade. In a K-8 school, most of the kids have been together since the towers fell–or at least it feels that way. And as if being 13 isn’t enough of an obstacle in life, it also takes courage to walk into a new place when you’re dyslexic. Especially when the world evaluates a child’s intelligence thorough reading and writing. But I’ve watched him closely and I’ve come to believe that everything has gone so well because everyone involved has remembered something very important…
“All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten”
by Robert Fulghum
Most of what I really need To know about how to live And what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten…
These are the things I learned:
Share everything. Play fair. Don’t hit people. Put things back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don’t take things that aren’t yours. Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Flush. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Live a balanced life – Learn some and think some And draw and paint and sing and dance And play and work everyday some. Take a nap every afternoon. When you go out into the world, Watch out for traffic, Hold hands and stick together. Be aware of wonder.
Today, of all days, always seems like a hard spot to find some wonder when there is so much broken. My mind will wander and walk with the ghosts of 9/11 and I’ll think about my friends in the military who rearrange their families like a Rubix Cube, in order to deploy a loved one to the other side of the world. As a writer I’ll bow my head to the brave journalists who believe that truth counts for something–everything. I’ll think about how race divides us when most of us only want to be friends. And I’m also devastatingly sure I’ll watch the news and see something awful I never imagined before. But then I’ll watch my boy–my beautiful, brave, flicker of potential and I’ll remind myself that everything we really need to make the world a better place–we learned in Kindergarten. All we have to do is remember what we know.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the SCBWI (Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators) lately. Okay–I always think a lot about the SCBWI. Type #scbwi into my blog and you’ll find post after post about how this group has been an instrumental part of my growth and development as a writer. But you’ll also see posts describing how my tribe has given me a safe place to fall and supportive hands to push me forward when I’m weak and insecure. I love this group.
Simultaneously, I’ve also been pondering the state of the world around me. And one of the things I’m seeing is an increase in adult bullies. It’s in the news–countries bullying countries. Religious, racial and political terror grows like weeds. There are bullies in corporations, schools and neighborhoods. Sometimes it even comes from the people who are teaching our children how to be kind. Our supposed leaders. It makes my head spin.
But my personal response, to what I often consider an epic wave of ugliness, is to be the leader I want to see in the world. Some days I’m more successful than others. But even when I’m at my best, my world has a small footprint. And that is what has me thinking about why the SCBWI works so well and is so loved by it’s tribe members. It’s a safe place. As big as it’s grows, it remains a family like institution where we are encouraged to look after the person to our left and the person to our right. When you allow yourself to be close to people and to care about them in a very personal way, your small footprint overlaps with their small footprint and a clear picture begins to emerge.
This TED talk is a little on the long side, but well worth a few extra moments of your time. It’s amazing–one of my favorites.
The SCBWI is a great institution because it has great leaders, but I feel it’s an amazing institution because those leaders encourage everyone to step into the circle of safety and add their footstep–to be a leader in their own way. We continue to grow, not because of our head count, but rather because of our heart count.
If you aren’t a member already, put your best foot forward and join our circle of safety.
Some days I don’t intend to write about what I write about, but everywhere I turn the same message is slapping me in the face, asking me to dig deeper. And the weird part is that the messages comes from very different, unrelated directions. I used to ignore these kinds of “coincidences” but I’ve learned to pay attention and listen to what the universe is telling me. It’s usually important.
This morning I stumbled across a very long and emotional FB post by a dear friend. She is an amazing person and mother, despite the challenges that have been thrown at her–things that might have broken someone else because of their weight. Today she was talking about running. Not just running for pleasure and exercise, which is something she does when life allows it. But she was talking about running away emotionally and the even harder thing to handle–not running away.
“The certainty of this circumstance eliminates my usual option of running. If I can’t run from this inexpressible pain WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!?”
That is an epic question.
And “coincidentally” another one of my very good friends (who doesn’t know my other friend–yet) unknowingly answered her so beautifully when she wrote a letter to her daughter. You Are Youer That You: A Letter to My Daughter.
If I were to take that amazing blog post and turn it into a mantra for my other friend it would go something like this…
Before you take flight…
Know I love you.
You ARE going to make mistakes.
These moments will require you to be brave.
Remember you are not alone.
Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
So be kind.
Always.
It will get harder as you get older, but remember…
Friends are the family you choose for yourself.
Listen.
Work hard.
Give life everything you have and life will give you everything you need.
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