An interesting thing happened last night, although I guess it was technically this morning. Either way, every year for the previous 10 New Year’s Eves, I found myself staying up past the midnight drop of the Time’s Square ball, where I’d normally sit alone in the quiet of the house after everyone else had fallen asleep. I’d breath deeply and write a blog post about my Dad. The post usually carried me to the 2:00 am mark, the time when he passed away. This year–year eleven–I didn’t do it. It wasn’t that I forgot, possibilities for the post flitted across my mind at odd times throughout the day. But I also didn’t hem and haw over the last minute decision to quietly close my lap top as I walked by to go to bed. I let the post slip through my fingers like dry grains of sand and it felt like the right thing to do.

It’s not that I miss him less now that over a decade has gone by. I’ll never stop missing him. But I think that after eleven years, I don’t need the same things I used to in order to navigate the Dad shaped space he left behind.

For a long time I had to tip-toe around the new version of my life. I was careful because I didn’t want to fall into the black hole he’d left behind. It was a lot like the first night you move into a brand new house. When you wake up from a deep sleep and try to make it to the bathroom, you don’t know where you are or how you got there. And you certainly don’t want to make a move without enough light to navigate by. But you eventually find your way.

Now, after eleven years, I don’t even need a night light. I know my way. Even with my eyes closed, I can navigate around the Dad shaped space. But even so, sometimes I still look to the light…

Tags: Anniversary, Dad, Dad Shaped Space, New Year's Eve

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Today it’s been a decade since my dad died. At first I started to say it’s been ten years since I lost him, but that didn’t sound right. As much as I miss him, I never feel as if I’ve “lost” him. He never seems absent to me. Rather it feels as if our relationship has been altered to fit our new circumstances–like he’s crossed through a magical wardrobe or passed through a wrinkle in time. He’s no longer huggable, which is a definite downside to this phase in our relationship, but the trade off is that there’s a fluid, intuitive connection between us that exceeds what we had when we were just an arms length away. But despite the continued love between us, I really miss having him here.

In memory of my “old life” with my Dad, my husband helped me find this video. It reminds me of why his absence still feels so big–he’d always showed up in a million small places. He was this guy for so many of us. He’s my role model.

http://youtu.be/632CHpeHYZE

Tags: Anniversary, Dad, happy new year, Kim Sabatini, Kimberly Sabatini, ten years, the little things

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Today is my 1st Anniversary!!!  It’s been one year since I signed with Michelle Wolfson of Wolfson Literary Agency and became part of the Wolf Pack.  I adore my agent and love my agency sistahs!!!  Without a doubt, this is the perfect place for me.

It’s my tendency to write something emotional on such a momentous occasion, but right now I want to have a smile on my face as I enjoy how lucky I am.  I need to celebrate.  Time to shop!!!!  I just ordered this…

…from Cafe Press.  I can’t wait for it to get here!!!!!  Wahoooooo!!!!!!

Want to be part of the celebration? In honor of my Wolf Pack Anniversary, feel free to ask any questions you’d like about the process of landing an agent.  I’ll do my best to give you a helpful answer.  Or you can just join me in raving about how wonderful Michelle is.  <3

Don’t forget that you can follow Michelle Wolfson on Twitter–seriously, you don’t want to miss it!  You can also find my Wolf Pack twitter list HERE.  Come and hang with the Pack!

Tags: Anniversary, Kim Sabatini, Kimberly Sabatini, Michelle Wolfson

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